What Honk Therapy is (and is not)

Patients keep asking, so here is the official leaflet.

Honk Therapy is: a weekly group listening session, broadcast live on Coconut FM. One hour. The goose selects the music and administers it in ascending order of feeling — it starts gently, builds the way good treatments do, and somewhere in the middle an emotional breakthrough is scheduled. You do not have to do anything. You press play, you are attending.

Honk Therapy is not: medical advice, a cult, a frequency thing, or homework. There is nothing to decode. There are no hidden meanings in the track order (there are, but they are the goose’s business). You cannot attend wrong.

Why “honk”? A honk is the loudest way a goose can say I’m here. That is the entire clinical theory. Most people, most days, mainly need to hear that somebody is here. A honk also cannot be mistaken for advice, which keeps us legally comfortable.

What it costs: nothing. The tower was already here, the electricity situation is unexplained, and the goose does not have pockets.

Known side effects: smiling, movement, mild optimism, humming, tapping (foot, finger, or both), a sudden urge to text an old friend, temporary relief from being a person.

Attendance is free and the waiting room never closes.

— typed by the intern, who has attended every rehearsal and reports the method regrettably works